Fruits

I have not posted in awhile but felt led to write something tonight, so decided I would. I have found lately that I've been asking myself how can I possibly be a light to someone. I don't know the words to say, I can't pop off scriptures in my head that quick, and I need to pray way more than I do. I really believe God has given me a lot of compassion. I dont know if it's a gift per say (I'd have to study more on spiritual gifts) but there are times when it literally brings me to my knees. One of the first stories I read as a new christian was the cleansing of the leper and is still today one of my favorites.

Mark 1:4o-42
And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean. And as soon as he had spoken, immediately the leprosy departed from him, and he was cleansed.

Now to undertand this fully let's backup to what it meant for a person to have leprosy in those days.

Leviticus 13:3
And the priest shall look on the plague in the skin of the flesh: and when the hair in the plague is turned white, and the plague in sight be deeper than the skin of his flesh, it is a plague of leprosy: and the priest shall look on him, and pronounce him unclean.

Leviticus 13:45-46
And the leper in whom the plague is, his clothes shall be rent, and his head bare, and he shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean. All the days wherein the plague shall be in him he shall be defiled; he is unclean: he shall dwell alone; without the camp shall his habitation be.

Jesus didn't have to physically touch him to be healed. I love this story because it really shows his compassion. This man had gone without contact, and had been an outcast. Can you imagine what that touch meant to him?

There have been times I've gotten someone on my mind and I know without a doubt they are hurting without seeing them. I'm not very good at describing feelings but my heart literally hurts if that makes sense. I can feel their despair and heartbreak just as if it were my own. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does that person stays on my mind for several days and I pray and pray. One time chris and I were on our way to church and I knew someone was hurting before I got there. I jumped slightly and chris asked me what was wrong because I grabbed my chest. And I told him my heart was hurting and I knew without a doubt someone was going to be at church that really needed prayer and help. When we got there, I knew who it was. Another time when it happened, I was praying for this girl at my church and the thought came to my mind that the amount of hurt and compassion I felt for this one girl, Jesus felt that for everyone when he was up on that cross. And I'm sure he was in a tremendous amount of pain when he was crucified, but I know that compassion that he felt for us broke his heart more because I've felt it. There is no way to describe the compassion and love that he has. I hope I'm making sense and this may be sounding really corny but until you've felt feelings like that, you can't begin to imagine what it feels like. Anyways, I was praying about a week or so ago and asking God how I could possibly be a light to anyone. And when I was at church a few days ago, one of the preachers taught on 2 Peter and it opened something up to me.

2 Peter 1:5-8
And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness. And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.


This made me realized that if I do everything I know to do, and try the best I can to be like Christ, I can truly be a light to someone. I'm going to bear fruit and people will see.

Matthew 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

God bless everyone! I hope this was helpful to someone.

Thoughts for the night

I have totally forgotten about this blog. When rotations started, everything got horribly crazy but now that I am on an off session, I remembered my long lost blog lol. This probably won't be long but I'm shaking the writing rust off lol. Well the story of my life right now is working on seminar and prepping for residency applications and interviews. I hate having to go through this process once again but really want the opportunity. Nonetheless, being the control freak that I am, it's stressing me out. One of my preceptors said I was the typical type A personality and besides the rudeness and aggressiveness toward others part, I can totally see it with being highly competitive, ambitious, and a perfectionist. I think what keeps me grounded is my relationship with God. Whenever I feel like things are getting out of control in my mind, I get on my knees. That's the quickest way to make it stop.
Not having control over the future or knowing what's going to happen makes me very uneasy. My prayers lately have consisted asking for peace of mind. That's one of the greatest gifts God has given me (besides salvation of course). His peace is undescribable. One of my favorite verses is John 14:27 which says "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
God showed me his peace in two ways recently. And I don't care if no one believes me when I tell you the following story. It happened as sure as I am sitting here typing right now. I was up til 4 am about a month ago working on a presentation for my rotation. I had prayed for awhile that day because I was reaching my mental limit and was afraid I wouldn't finish by the next morning (I did thank God). I layed down at 4:30 when husby was getting up to go to work and this feeling came over me. It was like a warm, extremely peaceful feeling, I can't even begin to describe. Then the entire room filled with lights. It was almost like strobe lights. It was so bright in my room, I could barely see and I felt like I was floating off the bed. Then it was gone. Don't ask me exactly what it was because I have no idea and I have had the dream before, (that was the 3rd time). I just know I felt better. Then last night as I was praying and asking God to work everything out and take the worry away I flipped my bible open and it landed on Matthew 7:7-11 "Ask and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom is his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" It was perfect timing, as usual.
The last verse I want to share is John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." So my advice is to go to God immediately when you're troubled. People always try everything else and then finally, when they've exhausted their options, they go to God. Go to him first! You'll sleep better:) I promise. God bless each of you reading this and I just ask that you remember me in your prayers. I want to be put in the position where I can help the most people and use the gifts God has given me. Good night all.
Oh! one more thing. I have an absolutely awesome book recommendation to leave you with. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is so amazing!

One we all know

So I'm a horrible blogger. I've meant to post something for several days but I couldn't find anything I really really wanted to post about. I've decided I am going to stick with what I'm good at. I will leave the hard core discussions and in depth bible topics to others who are probably better qualified than me. I just want to tell people about my relationship with God and how he's been so amazing to me.

I've been skimming around I was reading in Luke and got reminded of something. It occured to me that I've never told the story of how I got saved. I thought I would briefly share this and then I'll tie it in with what I was reading in Luke. So I didn't grow up in church. The only time I ever went was with my aunt and uncle and my two cousins. And as I got older, even those visits to church we far and few between. I remember many times God trying to talk or even using other people to try and talk to me but as soon as someone started I shut it off. I did NOT want to hear it. Looking back, I'm not sure why I was so against listening. I believed in God but I just didn't understand anything about him and wasn't sure why I should get saved. Yes I believed in heaven and hell but I think deep down I thought being a "good person" was good enough. It's only now that I realize that person was not a good person at all and that our definition of a good person does not even remotely resemble God's. The person I am now is much much better, no thanks to me I assure you. I did nothing on my own and I'm not perfect. I'm still working on me, or God is rather.
It was January of 2007. I can't remember why now but for some reason instead of going to visit Chris @ berea for the weekend I stayed in williamsburg at my college. I was having trouble sleeping all I could think of was how much easier things would be if I would just turn my life over to God. I was applying to pharmacy school at the time and everything was so stressful. I was miserable for no reason. I remember that saturday night I got on msn messenger before I went to bed and my cousin started witnessing to me. Again it was one of those times I totally didn't want to hear it, but I love her so I kept talking to her. I finally went to bed and was being so convicted, that I still was having trouble sleeping. When God is pulling at your heart trust me you know it. I woke up the next morning and was determined to go to church. I didn't even know how to get saved (crazy right?) but I literally could not take it anymore. I had to do something. I decided to go with one of my best friends at college, Lisa. And I can honestly say that no matter how many miles separate us and how long we go without talking (she's in med school and I'm in pharmacy school, busy schedules) I will always consider her one of my best friends. I can never repay her for being there when I needed her. I went to church with her and I could not make myself go to the alter. I didn't want people to look at me. I felt like I had sinner written across my forehead (which I know is absolutely ridiculous but I was scared to death and embarassed). So I didn't go but we went walking on the track above the gym afterward and God was pulling my heart so much and I confided in her that I had never been saved. I started crying and we went into the athletic director's office (it was sunday so no one was in there), and she prayed with me. I remember specifically one of the things I said was "God I just don't want to do this anymore. I can't handle things on my own please just take over my life."
I'm crying as I write this because I really feel like it was yesterday. That day literally changed my life. But God wasn't finished yet. Later, after I told everyone and told Chris, the next few months were hard because chris still wasn't on board. He had been in church before but definitely was not at the time. He confided in me that he was shocked because a few months before he had felt like God was tugging at his heart and he ignored it but prayed to God and said "just get monica to come to you first." He knew I had never been saved and it would be difficult to get me. And then lo and behold out of the blue, I gave my heart to Christ. I say that jokingly because I know it was God's plan all along. I remember being at school and talking to chris on my lunch break in between classes and flipped open my bible to Luke 15. I was not familiar with the bible that well yet so I know it was God that took me there. I'm not going to insert the whole passage but my favorite high points include:
7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
32......for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

In April, chris finally gave his life back to God. A huge weight was lifted off of me. Even though God had already told me he would come back, it was still such a relief. And it couldn't have come at a better time. On april 17th, chris' best friend that he had grown up with his whole life died in a motorcycle accident. He was utterly devastated. I was really scared at first because I thought he may blame God, but got surprised because he leaned on him more than ever. I really think God couldn't have had more perfect timing with him. I don't think he could have made it through that without him.
God has blessed me in many ways. 3 years later and I don't regret my decision and still say it was the greatest decision I ever made. That first step is the hardest but I promise you'll never regret it. Don't ever think it's too late to go back. He'll welcome you with open arms. In that chapter in Luke in verse 20 it says: And he arose and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

Lord, thank you for reminding me of where you brought me from.


God Bless!

Sticky verses

I just got home from church and read a little with the husby. This post will be sort of a continuation of my very first post just because I've been troubled with this topic in my spirit. It's really been eating me up so it may get lengthy, I apologize. Anyways, We started in 1 John 2 because that is where Christopher thought of. And we got down to verse 3 and the lightbulb came on for me. It says "And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments." Very simple yet it totally fit with verses in Matthew that I seem to keep quoting in my head. Chapter 7 verses 21 through 23. "Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then I will profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

Can you imagine the lord saying that to you? I think it would probably feel like someone knocked the air out of you. I would be so devastated. The sad thing is, it's really going to happen to some people. Can you honestly without a shadow of a doubt say that you're ok with God? That if you died today you would be with him? Do your actions reflect him? Do you walk as he walks? Can people truly see the love of God in you? These are questions you have to ask yourself. In 2 corinthians 13 Paul writes "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates."

Continuing on with 1 John 2 verses 4-6. "He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth his word in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him. He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked." Ok I feel better now. I want to study on this more, but that is all I have for now.

Lord, my prayer tonight is that you would just completely take over my life. I know that you are in me but I want to walk EXACTLY like you. I can do nothing by myself. And you are the best teacher I know. Help me to walk in your ways. Help me to be a reflection of you and to be the light you told me I would be. I don't want anyone to die without knowing you. If I can help you in any way please use me. But mold me first into the servant that YOU would have me to be. Guide me lord. Amen.

God Bless!

quick thoughts

Today I am just going to give some quick thoughts. I have to go to work soon and don't have a lot of time but wanted to post something for today. So I was just skimming along and came to John, and for those of you who know me and have been to my bible studies, you know that is my absolute favorite book. So I found a place that reminded of a certain night @ church. I hadn't been doing so well in my relationship with God. I was super busy with school as usual and my priorites had gotten skewed. I don't think God leaves us, but we leave him and he'll let you walk by yourself for awhile to show you how bad it sucks. But anyways, I was working out one night and I remember praying while I was on my elliptical, "lord I feel I don't know even feel like I know you anymore. Why don't I feel you're even here?" I went to church a few nights later (and this one of the reasons I know without a doubt God is real), and my preacher had started preaching out of John. I had told him nothing about what was going on. He went to chapter 14 verse 9 where Jesus is speaking to Philip to the part where he says "Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me Philip." And I promise you my head snapped up as soon as he said it. And I know where he is talking to Philip, it's in a little different context but I felt like he was talking directly to me. As if to say, I've been here all along, and I haven't changed. The better question is, where have you gone? It was really one of those strange moments you have with God, where if he were standing right in front of you, you would have run to hug him and just fallen in his arms. I really needed that at that time. It made me realize that your relationship with God is like any other relationship. You have to spend time with him and let the relationship grow. But I just wanted to share that quickly. I hope it touches someone out there because it sure did me when it happened.

God Bless!

so lazy

Ok I totally have neglected my new blog. I have no excuse lol except that I've been bumming it up on the couch engrossed in books that I didn't get to read during the year. I do lots of nonpharmacy related reading in the summer. Anyways on to the more important book, the bible. I'm sitting here in the dark because christopher is asleep and I'm reading off my ipod and using my flashlight app to read my actual bible. I like having the bible app on my ipod but you have to tell it where to go and sometimes I find randomly opening the bible to a page is more helpful. I don't always know where to go. So the solution is to use both. And I'm too lazy to lug the laptop into a different room so this will have to suffice. Anywho, I'm babbling. Now to the point. I don't have a particular topic today like I did in my last post. I was a little ticked that day. But instead just wanted to share a few verses that I am currently reading. They are from Isaiah 53.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

Sometime it's difficult to imagine what Jesus had to go through, what sacrifice he made. I think about how I would have reacted in that situation. I probably would have gone all matrix on all those people instead of letting them beat me, spit on me, and crucify me. I guess it's a good thing I'm not God lol. But he says later in Isaiah 55:8 for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.

He had to do it to save us. But the thing that breaks my heart the most is what he did say on the cross. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34). He wasn't bitter. He didn't say destroy these idiots. He asked for forgiveness on their behalf.

How can people deny the love that he has? Why carry around all the heavy loads and worries. Let him take it away! I don't understand why people don't want to go to him. I didn't for many years though he tried to call me many times, and now I can't fathom not having him in my life. He's real and I have so many stories to share that's happened to me personally that I will someday on here. He would never force someone to serve him. He wants people to serve him because they love him.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Lord, I thank you for the sacrifice you made for me. I thank you for calling me out of the darkness I was in. And I thank you for always being there for me, just a prayer away:)




God Bless!

Soap box for the day

First off I would like to say thank you Jesus! I took my last final today. What a load off my shoulders. I'm running on very little sleep and slowly detoxing myself from coffee. I'm sure I will have a massive headache tomorrow. But while I am still riding the caffeine high (fabulous drug by the way), I will jump on my soap box for the day. Now that I am out of school, I can read my bible a lot more. I know my calling is not to teach. My husband would be fabulous at it. He understands the bible well and quotes stuff off the top of his head. I can understand pharmacology, pharmacokinetics, chemistry, biology, you name it. Science stuff I can do. Bible is a little harder for me. I try though and that's what counts. And I find the more I try, the more I understand. I really believe when you seek the lord with all your heart, you'll find him. But anyways here's the verse for the day and my thoughts. It's from Matthew 15:8 but it's a reference from Isaiah.
"This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."
Let me begin by admitting that I make mistakes and by no means am I perfect. I am not trying to sit up here on my high horse. I'm fully aware of 1 John 8. However, I also know that there is a difference between messing up and willfully sinning. I am a relatively new christian but I have been trying witness lately and I come up against such a wall. Do you know what answer I get mostly when I ask people to go to church? Usually it's "why would I go to church? It's always full of hypocrites." No kidding! And it's so so sad to me. And why would people think any different? What are we doing as christians to prove them wrong? Or the better question is, what are we doing to make them think that to begin with? I'm guessing the answer to the second question is a much longer list than the first.
One of my pet peeves is for people to confess christ, yet their life is not reflecting that he is in it. How do you expect people to come to him when you don't look like him yourself? They have to be able to see something in you that makes them want that for themselves. And when you talk a good game and yet you act entirely different, you are not bearing fruit. Revelation 3:16 "So then because thou are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." Don't lie to yourself. Know where you stand! Otherwise, you are doing more harm than good.
My mom told me a story of a girl she knew who went to church. She didn't have money to buy new clothes. She just wore a dress that she had that wasn't necessarily appropiate but that's all she had and some ladies in the church scolded her. She didn't go back. No wonder! Would you? Why couldn't they have offered her some clothes? Seriously what is wrong with people? If she never gets saved because of those people, her blood is on their hands.
Jesus is not like this. Please people don't ever think he is anything like our sinful flesh. He had to take it on to come here and be an example, but he never succombed to it. Jesus is full of love but let me tell you, when he came here, he was straight up blunt. There are sometimes I read the gospels and I literally laugh. He didn't spare the pharisees' feelings. He called them out! You go Jesus! He doesn't like hypocrites. Read Matthew 23 and you'll see. Don't make a mockery of him people and bring him to an open shame. Live as he did (this goes for me too). Walk it, talk it, and love it. You've been given the gift of salvation!